Thursday, January 10, 2013

Top 5 List

Thank goodness it's almost Friday, right? Right. I myself am looking forward to a little less of this:

And a little bit more of this:

Well, the human version of this, anyway. Plus, the Broncos are playing a playoff game on Saturday, which is the perfect excuse not to do anything productive. Actually, it's possible that I'm going to Keystone again this weekend with my brothers and some friends, so I may be doing more skiing than lying around.

And, to boot, I have plans--again--tonight!!! I feel like I've kept myself very busy this week, which is good. However, I am jonesing for some down time. Luckily tonight's event is a family one, which means that I can be as socially "lazy" as I want: no struggling to make conversation; no need to drag out the evening if I don't want to; and no need to sound coherent when people ask me what I'm up to or how I'm doing.

It's not that I experience a high amount of social anxiety, but I would say that social anxiety is right up there with the rest of my anxieties. I was just thinking this afternoon about how awkward and uncomfortable I felt socially, pretty much from grade school through high school and even college. I was just always worried or overly concerned with what people thought about me--usually because I was thinking that they thought I was fat, not funny, boring, etc.

So, in the spirit of my angsty adolescence, here are the top five things that I would do differently if I could go back and remedy my early-onset social anxiety:

1) Tell a lot of boys to f-off. Seriously. I still might do this one even though I can't go back in time. Emotionally I was like a gaping wound, and every time some dumb ass kid said I was fat or ugly I totally listened. ( I should add that I wasn't even *that* unpopular; it's not like I was bullied or something--I can't imagine how much worse it can get:-( )

2) Start acting like more a jackass. I'm funny, people, and I like to do stupid and funny stuff. But instead of being myself I basically just spent my time reviewing my own efforts to be popular and not weird.

3) Wear a bra sooner. Enough said.

4) Be nicer to the kids that did get bullied. I regret that not only did I not make an effort to really become friends with some of the kids who got bullied, but in one case I actually participated in bullying someone. Obviously that was very wrong, and I wish I would've had the courage and confidence to behave more compassionately towards this person.

5) Avoid wearing: tie-dye,

sweaters that were three dimensional due to neon protruding flower pom-poms,

This is actually much nicer than the sweater I used to wear.

and multiple pairs of brightly-colored socks at the same time.

But, I would still wear my pyjamas to school on that one day in the fifth grade. Those pjs were cute and I should've just owned up to wearing pjs to school instead of denying that they were pjs and feeling idiotic.

*What do you most regret about your adolescence? Did you experience social anxiety during that time?


  1. Well what a thought-provoking post! And that sweater picture actually made me laugh out loud. Ugh, anxiety, I know it too well. While I've always been shy, I think (or hope) I'm a lot more outgoing now. If I could go back, I would definitely be more outgoing and comfortable with myself. I think I'm pretty normal, so why was I so scared to be myself? Too late now, I suppose.

    1. You seem pretty normal to me! Last night I got to wondering what elementary, middle, and high school would've been like it _everyone_ had just felt free to be themselves. Maybe a few more unplanned pregnancies...haha...but also, a lot more kids wearing pyjamas to school:-)