Thursday, May 31, 2012

Eyes on the Prize

You guys wouldn't believe that I was a nerdy English Literature Ph.D. student if I didn't throw in a lame pun every now and then, right?

I went to the eye doctor today for my yearly check up. While I don't actively hate having my eyes checked, today's appointment reminded me that: 1) I'm socially awkward, and 2) some of the *isht* they do to you at the eye doctor is wretched.

Example A: that motherfucking glaucoma test. Which one, you ask? Well, the first, second, third, and fourth one. Apparently if you are neurotic and nervously wait for the dreaded puff of air it makes you blink more, which makes it hard for the machine to tell if you have glaucoma--i.e. slightly glassy grey eyeballs. Yuck.*

*(Sorry if anyone has glaucoma. My grandma's dog had it and her quality of life didn't seem too fantastic.)

Example B: When your eye doctor is assessing your contact prescription and asking "Is option 'one' or 'two' more clear?" "How about between 'three' and 'four'--which one is better?" This might seem pretty harmless, but let's say they both look the same and you're still forced to pick which one is more clear. Then you're stuck with a wonky contact prescription because your eye doctor is basing your new prescription off your guesstimates rather than the actual sharpness of vision in your eyes. (Also, being concerned that you're giving the "incorrect" answer makes it difficult to really tell which slide is more clear. See Example A, "if you are neurotic...")

Example C: You ask your eye doctor what that crap in the corner of your eyes is and even without your contact lenses in you can see that he looks disturbed and put off.

Example D: Someone that you "pre-dated" works there and thinks you're a bitch.*

*Predating=when you've met someone and are in the initial phases of sussing out whether you want to make a real date. Also, in my case, when the person that you are pre-dating tells you on the phone that he was recently put in jail and dislikes the police.**

**This really happened to me. People, I shop at The Gap and worry about what kind of sugar is in my baked goods--do you really think it's advisable to confess your police record to me?

In other news, we had friends over for dinner last night and ate some of the bf's "famous" Spicy Seitan Burritos.

Beneath that creepy mash is olive oil. Frying things in olive oil=good. Though a part of me wants to call it sauteing instead of frying--in case that makes it have fewer calories.
I also made some Ezekiel Banana Bread, and used olive oil!!! instead of canola oil or some other fatty substance. I always thought that olive oil would have too noticeable a taste to use in baked goods, but it wasn't noticeable at all! More olive oil baking experiments to come!!!

Let's call it upside-down banana bread. So.freaking.good. with a peanut butter blanket.
*Do you like going to the eye doctor? Do you feel like a bad person if your contact prescription gets "worse" from year to year?

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