Tuesday, May 29, 2012

ED Reflections, no. 3

When I last left off, I was talking about cinnamon bears. Cinnamon bears are really tasty. I like hot candies. I'm pretty sure I did some damage to my liver and err...colon?...pancreas? when I was a candy-eating adolescent.

Just in case it wasn't obvious, the "new" body that I achieved after dieting in middle school did not last. Shocking, I know. It turns out that even though I had learned how to count calories, knowing that I was eating too much didn't really stop me from doing it anyway. (This is still true sometimes.) I also had no understanding of a food's nutritional value--only calories, calories, calories. If I had calories to "spend," then I'd rather spend them on a serving of Hot Tamales instead of an apple and peanut butter. (After all, peanut butter is high and calories and thus "bad.")

Thus I began a long cycle of trying to lose weight by being "good," which was inevitably followed by phases of overeating, poor nutrition, and weight regain. I hated shopping, and given that I had received such strong praise for losing weight I began to associate any negative social interaction with my big fatty ass. In other words, if people seemed like they didn't really like me, then it was definitely because I was pale, freckly, and chubby. All the good and all the bad in my life, it seemed, could be quickly correlated to how thin I looked.

Of course, looking back I can see that this thinking was severely distorted and prevented me from relaxing around friends and being myself. Also, as an adult I'm still aware of the fact that in some cases we get treated based upon how we look, especially our relative plumpness:-)

If only people were like raisins and the plumper ones were objectively superior. Sigh.

I'll end on that philosophical note and show you what I found on my hike with Haruki this morning:

If all this can grow in a burnt-out wasteland then surely I can stop myself from eating a whole box of cereal...right!?? Right.

*How do you like em'--plump or puny? (Raisins, I mean.)

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