Despite having gone to dinner at a restaurant last night, I have no pictures to show you. I didn't even think of it until about two hours after dinner, when I realized that dinner out = a good chance to show you all something more than just idiotic diary entries here on NCK. But alas, I forgot. I can tell you that I had a brussel sprouts appetizer to start, followed by some kind of apple/sage seitan "loin." Is it just me, or is it borderline disgusting to: a) use the word loin to describe something we eat, and 2) call seitan a "loin?" I mean, it sounds like what we're saying is that we eat cow/pig "bizness," doesn't it? And since seitan isn't from an animal, it makes no sense that it would have a loin.
That brings me to my next point, which is food that masquerades as something else. For example, the restaurant that we ate at last night is called Leaf, and it is a strictly vegetarian restaurant. They serve lots of veggie dishes, but they also dabble in soy products--tofu and tempeh only--as well as seitan, which, in case you didn't already know, is basically wheat gluten. But Leaf also does some kooky raw food stuff, like "raw" ravioli that is made with ribbons of zucchini and squash rather than traditional noodles. Last night my friend Christian ordered the veggie enchiladas and received a plate of some cold mush served inside a collard green wrap and served alongside a bed of "jicama rice." What's funny about this is that as the server described his entree, every single description of every single component of the dish was, in fact, not what she said it was. Jicama, people, is not rice, and you can't make it into rice no matter how many cooking degrees you have or how many psycho vegan, gluten free, sugar free, dairy free customers you have in your restaurant. (Sorry if you are all of these things. Like, I'm not sorry about what I said, but I'm sorry for you.)
OK, rant over. But how about you guys? How do you feel when you are served something that is not what it is called? Perhaps this doesn't apply to anyone outside Boulder or another hippie-centered locale?
On another note, I thought I'd just go full force on the diary entry business since I have no pictures for you. The topic of the day: babies.
Yes, as I have been hinting a lot lately, David and I are going to "try" for a baby. Actually, we've already started "trying," though based on the timing of my cycle we won't be potentially conceiving for another week or two. Gulp. As someone who deals with anxiety, you might guess that this decision has not been easy for me. I am not that girl who always knew that she wanted a baby, and I'm still very much convinced that losing all my time, sleep, and sanity may be more than I can handle. But, David is keen on having a baby, and it is true that I have always imagined myself having a family. And, adoption is $$$ and David and I aren't getting any younger. So, a baby it is.
Having made this decision, I can already see that there are lots of respects in which becoming a mom is going to be difficult for me (and already is for lots of women). Let me count the ways:
1) Being a parent means that everyone else has something else to judge you about. This begins with pregnancy, when people are likely to question my vegetarian diet, and I'm guessing it will persist through our kids' lives, like for instance when other moms condescendingly ask why we don't have Mason/Addison/Chloe/Adele/Peyton (or whatever really popular and yet unique name we choose--haha) in like sixteen sports or activities. This might not seem like a big deal, but I am extremely sensitive to criticism and prone to doubt myself when someone I am close to questions my decisions.
2) What if I am a bad parent? Like that incident with Haruki waking me up all night, I'm worried that when my kid is upset in the middle of the night I'll resent him/her and spend the whole night wishing I could go back to sleep.
3) Body changes. Sigh. I remember when I was in therapy my comments on pregnancy weight gain prompted my therapist to say that pregnancy would likely be a time when I might want to seek help again. Ha. But seriously. On the one hand I'm already scared at the prospect of gaining 25 pounds, and on the other hand I'm worried that pregnancy hormones will convince me to eat six bars of chocolate every day. In my wildest dreams, I hopeful that if I do become pregnant I'll magically just not sweat the small stuff and instead be able to calmly eat in a healthy way because I know that if I don't my baby might get diabetes and then I'll rot in hell forever and ever... Oh, whoops! I got sidetracked from my positive thinking there:-)
I think there are a few other worries in this mix as well, but these are the main ones. I am, I should say, excited about the prospect of carrying, having, and raising a baby too. Everyone who has kids seems to like them and say that they're worth every bit of sleep lost, so I'm figuring that I'll feel the same. But, gah! What if I don't!!?
*Please, for the love of God, share some of your worries about being pregnant or having a child, whether you've already had kids, never want them, or might have them in the future. Or, if you're all revved up with some criticism about how I don't sound "ready" or fit to have a baby, shut it:-)